An Open Letter to My Future Church

Open Letter to Church, a photo by Mervin Chiang on Flickr.

First off, I’m NOT assuming that I will eventually be a pastor of a Church. This letter is merely written if I ever become one by God’s will and miracle. This letter is actually more for me more than anyone else. To remind me of who I am and to never forget this wherever this path of obedience lead. And never be complacent or pride-filled, but to be encouraged during hardship, like it is now.

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Dear Church,

I am writing to you in hopes that you can know a little more about me. There are a few things I’d like you to see about me that you may not know or think about when you see me every Sunday at Church. So here goes…

The first thing I’d like you to know is that I am sinful too. I am a sinner in the middle of my sanctification journey. The same way you are. There is only one shepherd. As it is written...

“I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. He who is a hired hand and not a shepherd, who does not own the sheep, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and flees, and the wolf snatches them and scatters them. He flees because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep. I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me,” 

John 10:11-14, ESV

Please pray that I don’t become the hired hand that runs away. I am not a shepherd; I am a sheep like you.

No, really… I feel the same sins of the flesh. Pride, anger, sloth, lust, etc… I might get annoyed with you when I think you should know better. I might feel proud because I know the bible more than you. I sometimes lose my temper too! I shout at the kids when they don’t listen to me. Or bark at my family when I’m in a bad mood. I procrastinate doing my sermons on a slow week when my energy levels are low.

I’d like you also to know I’m an introvert. It might surprise some of you, but my warmth and friendliness at Church and my hospitality at our house takes a lot of trained and channelled energy to pull off. But I feel and know it’s worth every bit of it. Why am I telling you this? I’m telling you because I’d like you to forgive me if I walked right past you and didn’t say “hi”. I’m sorry if I hadn’t rung you or caught up with you for a while. Please forgive me if at social functions I didn’t acknowledge you or come to greet you. I might be busy, shy or low on my “interaction” tank.

This might be obvious to say, but I’ll say it anyway. I have feelings too. My heart aches when you tell me your troubles. My heart aches when you don’t tell me your troubles! My heart aches when I see others in trouble, persecuted, suffering or busking in sin. I’d like it if you come occasionally to ask me how I feel. Or tell me how you feel and we can pray and cry together. Knowing you care would be nice.

I pray that you will never think that just because I studied at some bible college I know everything there is to know about our Lord and the bible. Like you, I am always a servant and student of Christ. Especially me! I suck at studying… I realise that if God wills it, the Holy Spirit can zap you more wisdom and open your eyes to the scripture way more than what I can comprehend. I pray that you can approach me when I am wrong. To lovingly correct me and I promise I will try my best to receive rebuke humbly and with respect. If I don’t and I argue with you, please pray harder for my heart.

Please know that nothing I plan for the Church can compare to what God had planned for us since the beginning of time. Please know that I will fail terribly in running things compared to how Christ runs His kingdom. I am not much of a leader too, if you have Christ as your Lord. None of my plans, actions and leadership means anything, if I am not constantly sanctified by Christ through the Church. Yes, I need to be moulded too. I need to learn still! Bible College didn’t teach me everything about being the ultimate super holy Christian. Please! It is my constant prayer that I am approachable so that you can come to me with my flaws so I can learn. I am approachable!... Right? Please, how else will I learn?

It all sounds really hard doesn’t it? What’s the point of all this? I hope you see that it’s to show you that I need you as much as you need me, maybe I need more. We are all different parts of the body of Christ remember? It can sometimes get very, very, depressingly lonely on this narrow path when I am walking alone. Even a marathon can by more fun if I had others running with me, supporting me, loving me, praying with me, playing with me, hanging out with me, crying with me, laughing with me… You get the picture. Do life with me!

You know, I still secretly find encouragement sometimes thinking that God used a coward like Moses. He used a defiant man like Jonah. He used a lust-filled man like David. He used a simple-minded man like Peter. And he even used an outright enemy like Paul to do His work. There is always hope for me!

I thank God every day for his saving grace for me. I thank Jesus for fulfilling the gospel. A gospel so precious that He allowed my heart to change towards Him. To be so compelled to love and want to try my best to save others like He did me. I hang on to this truth every day, because He is my hope in my toil, my discouragements and my disappointments. I never want to lose this first love of Him. I say this never to appear holier than you, but to encourage you and pray that one day, this gospel will capture your heart the same way it did mine and transform you towards a Christ-likeness that surpasses mine!


With love always,
Merv

3hrs After the Oxygen Was Cut Off…

Oxygen Conference 2014, a photo by Mervin Chiang on Flickr.

As he was breathing in the breath of oxygen that gives him life, he struggled. It was as if his body didn’t want it! That life giving thing that would cure him of his disease. What? His body didn’t want it? Madness! Every breath of life taken was met with resistance from his own body. The sickness wasn’t going to go down without a fight and he knows this. He keeps sucking in the life-giving oxygen. Faster and faster as he tries to fight this overbearing and overwhelming sense that he is about to pass out. Weeks turned to days, days turned to hours, hours turned to minutes, minutes eventually turned to seconds. With each breath of oxygen from this life giving vine the disgusting, ugly and despicable disease fought back. Eventually, he could not hold it any longer and the dam broke. Tears with a mixture of sadness, anger, disappointment and mostly relief started streaming from his eyes. He couldn’t understand this. Why is this so hard? Besides, the doctor promised that this treatment was a breeze! Walk in the park. “This yolk is light!” he says. Strange thing to say, but that’s what he said…

No guilt in life, no fear in death,

This is the power of Christ in me;

From life's first cry to final breath.

Jesus commands my destiny.

No power of hell, no scheme of man,

Can ever pluck me from His hand;

Till He returns or calls me home,

Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.

(In Christ Alone, Stuart Townend)

This was me at the Oxygen 2014 conference. The crescendo at the last day, the 3rd last sermon and the last song… The story of the sick man above is me and how I felt all through the last few weeks culminating at the end of the Oxygen Conference today.

Don’t get me wrong. I loved every minute of it. Not only the sermons, the electives or the workshops, but the intense and fruitful conversations with fellow brothers and sisters as we debate, learn from each other and soak in together the Word and God like sponges. At least that was the case for me. Ultimately, all I could do is fall like a heap in front of His cross.

"I repeat, let no one think me foolish. But even if you do, accept me as a fool, so that I too may boast a little. What I am saying with this boastful confidence, I say not as the Lord would but as a fool. … For you gladly bear with fools, being wise yourselves! For you bear it if someone makes slaves of you, or devours you, or takes advantage of you, or puts on airs, or strikes you in the face. …
… I am talking like a madman—with far greater labors, far more imprisonments, with countless beatings, and often near death. Five times I received at the hands of the Jews the forty lashes less one. Three times I was beaten with rods. Once I was stoned. Three times I was shipwrecked; a night and a day I was adrift at sea; on frequent journeys, in danger from rivers, danger from robbers, danger from my own people,… in toil and hardship, …apart from other things, there is the daily pressure on me of my anxiety for all the churches. Who is weak, and I am not weak?
If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness. … I must go on boasting. Though there is nothing to be gained by it … I would not be a fool, for I would be speaking the truth … So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
(Excerpts from 2 Corinthians 11:16 – 12:10, ESV)

I suggest you go read the full passage. But I can almost print this version out as my prayer. This is my prayer right now.

We can’t all be madmen and fools right? Right? 2,500 of us at this conference. 500,000 of us in Cambodia. Millions of us in China. Thousands dying in Iraq. All through history. I’ve met engineers, specialist doctors, IT professionals (me), university professors, mums, dads, really really smart people! All coming together, love this God and got transformed. We can’t all be mad enough to spend money, time, use our brain cells and our energy to come to this conference? Right? To come to this conference to cry like sooks. On our knees all the time. Raising our hands to the sky.

Why? Because we love God. That’s why. But why bother? Can’t we just love God at home? No! Or should I say “Far be it so!” We gather, we cry, we plead, we learn, we stress, we argue all because, at least in this case, we want to recognise that none of us are righteous and free of the need for help. We want to strongly recognise that we are all broken and need help and not as self-righteous as we or others think we are. Secondly, and more importantly, we gather because we want to so strongly “love our neighbours”! We bother because we want as many people as possible to know about this redeeming love. We want people we love to understand that the only way to true life is through Jesus. We toil, cry, ache and kneel because of firstly Jesus and then you. Yes, you. We love you too.

Question: Politics. How far do we go before it becomes an idol?

Politics as an Idol?, a photo by Mervin Chiang on Flickr.

This whole Roy Ngerng versus Lee Hsien Loong ridiculous debacle has somehow bothered me and I can’t seem to put a finger to it. Many years ago, I used to have very strong views about Singapore politics as well. A contributing factor to Kat and I deciding to move out. When asked why we migrated I’d use this narration: “You know the movie the Matrix?...” pause for effect… “We took the red pill!”… Watch people’s face light up… Works every time when asked why we wanted to move out of Singapore…

These days (as I aged)… I don’t normally care about politics or news in general, for that matter, anymore. I guess I have now more things to worry about… than to - “worry about tomorrow”. I strongly lean on the “tomorrow will worry for itself” part of Matthew 6:34 now. Ignorance is bliss I reckoned…

So why do I now want to write a post about politics? It’s weird… My Facebook feeds are split right down the middle on this Roy versus the PM thing with supporters on both camps. Actually, more specifically it’s the Roy camp versus the “this-is-silly-lets-move-on” camp. Singaporeans are getting more and more vocal and some even stand behind this character, throwing money at him and really believing that gathering at a park in the thousands (Singapore has many million people by the way) would really make a difference.

Again, so what is the point of this post? In light of the above description of the state of Facebook affairs… This story got stuck on replay in my head every time I see a post on this Roy thing…

Then the Pharisees went and plotted how to entangle him in his words. And they sent their disciples to him, along with the Herodians, saying, “Teacher, we know that you are true and teach the way of God truthfully, and you do not care about anyone's opinion, for you are not swayed by appearances. Tell us, then, what you think. Is it lawful to pay taxes to Caesar, or not?” But Jesus, aware of their malice, said, “Why put me to the test, you hypocrites? Show me the coin for the tax.” And they brought him a denarius. And Jesus said to them, “Whose likeness and inscription is this?” They said, “Caesar's.” Then he said to them, “Therefore render to Caesar the things that are Caesar's, and to God the things that are God's.” When they heard it, they marveled. And they left him and went away. – Matt 22:15-22, ESV

… OK this might not be the best example to relay my purpose of the post. But the words “render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s” were the words that keep coming to me every time I see a post (especially from my Christian brother and sisters) sharing about this whole politics thing in Singapore.

I totally get that we should sometimes speak up when we feel that there is injustice or poor management. After all, if we don’t, who would right? But I’m worried, especially for fellow Christians, that we are totally missing the point if we do go too far with protesting in politics (unless you ARE a politician of course… where politics IS your job!).

I know I am potentially opening a can of worms here. But I am willing to have a nice discussion about this – God willing. Especially after a great start this year with our Church theme “go therefore” (Matt 28:19). If I am getting the point about our true mission here in this world while we wait for Christ, compounded with the fact that I know God is sovereign, politics included... you know, he used evil kings in the old testament to complete His master plan and all… wouldn’t it be better to invest time, energy and even money on Godly things? Leave Caesar the things that are Caesar’s and give God the things that are God’s? (i.e. Our time, energy and resources) Honestly, and this is just me, I feel that spending any part of my energy and brain cells in politics as a non-politician is stealing time away from knowing God and working for Him. Plus, dare I say it, where is the Grace in this all if we become the bitter uncle complaining about “garmen” one leg on the chair sipping tiger beer at the Kopitiam? … Metaphorically speaking…

The CMMI - Christian Maturity Model Index

CMMI - Christian Maturity Model Index, a photo by Mervin Chiang on Flickr.

Reflecting on the current sermon series at Church on missions, it has coincidentally impacted me personally as I prepare for a new stage of life and the journey I am about to embark on. As I sit here in a busy Sydney airport waiting to go home, I began to reflect on my whirlwind of journey through life. As early as my primary school days, all through my teens and my rocky semi-adulthood, through the Singapore Army, marriage, relocation to Australia, career and eventually now... The above diagram sums it up pretty much...

And Jesus came and said to them, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age." - Matt 28:18-20, ESV (The Great Commission)

I've always known the above verse in my head in some way shape or form. Sometimes I'm “guilt-ed” legalistically into trying to do more. To keep telling myself, why am I not doing more evangelism? To read the Bible more? To Pray more?

The diagram above depicts in a very loose way my journey. And I think, as I reflect on what many calls the Christian maturity and what Paul calls running the race, I am humbled by how God has brought me through it. The hurdles that He helped me “jump” over. The trials that He used to mould me and shape me towards the “missionary” phase. You see, I feel that these are stages we go through as being a Christian. We all start off with an obvious disadvantaged position of “Hopeless Rebel”…

“All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one.” - Rom 3:12, ESV

But then, lucky for me, I was explained the Gospel and I accepted what Christ did for me and became what I call a “Grateful Reborn”. To be honest, for me, growing up in a Christian family, there wasn’t a WOW moment or great fire or passion or zeal. It was a gradual progression thing. I know for some, this gratefulness of the grace and truly understanding this undeserved love has led to fortified zeal to read the bible. To understand everything there is to know about this new Heavenly Father after the adoption… But for me, as I understood what I thought was the “true” meaning of the gospel…

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. - Eph 2:8,9, ESV

… I got complacent. This is where I think a lot of us are. Have a look at me self-reflection on Christianity as a hobby here. After all, we’re saved right? Nothing we can do and need to do… So let me just hand up my feet and just enjoy this ride to the end! In comes the “Saved Rebel” phase. This is a dangerous “phase” to be in… And I was in this “phase” for a good 20+ years!! My turning point was when my assurance was shaken. Somehow, in God’s amazing mercy, the Holy Spirit stirred me towards this verse…

“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ 23 And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’ – Matt 7:21-23, ESV

This verse radically challenged me and made me second guess my faith. Was I the “worker of lawlessness”? Was I practicing “cheap faith” by simply going to church, singing songs, doing “Christian-y” things just to try and “buy” my way into heaven? If I am not, why I am still living like a rebel? The world couldn’t tell me from any other non-christian… Where is my fruit of the Spirit?... Non-existent!

So… begins the “missionary” phase I believe. For some of you, the “jump” from Grateful Reborn to Missionary is instantaneous. You got the right follow up, the right readings, the right convictions, the right leaders, the right mentors… Praise God! For me… it took 20+years and my current Church, God’s merciful trials and many many more things to get me here.

“Unlocking” the missionary phase is truly liberating! It puts a lot of things into perspective. It explains a lot of “things” that as a “Saved Rebel” I struggled with, ‘cos all I understood was I was saved and justified so I could do anything I want. I continued to ignore God Monday to Saturday and sing praises to Him only on Sunday. God changes hearts…. I know for my journey, it had to happen in exactly this way for me to get it… for me to be convicted enough to “thrust” into the Missionary phase.

Right, so what is the Missionary phase? I think it happens when you truly understand the commission that Jesus gave to us as Christians. When you get in its core the purpose of our adoption and it changes your heart from within. This change is evident from the need, hunger, thirst as the bible calls it to want to make disciples. To feel so inadequate to make disciples you want to read the bible all the time. To know Jesus and His Character more and more so that you can better make disciples. To be challenged to live out your life like the person you look up to – Jesus… So that... you can make disciples. In summary, you thirst for this shapes your everyday decisions, goals, thinking, prayer and worship.

Finally, I look forward to finishing this race. To ultimately be the Perfect Child when the new heaven and the new earth comes again. To ultimately be receive the “well done, my good and faithful servant” praise…

Work is hard. Suck it up!

Work is hard! Suck it up., a photo by Mervin Chiang on Flickr.

Work has been indeed piling up. Stress levels are surging... My line of work is not so much hard labour but more a psychological one. Constantly worrying about things. Keeping on top of tasks. Plan strategies. Plan plans. Second guess what I could have done better. Stress over lack of results. Deal with people's emotions, hidden agendas, politics... you get the picture. Many call this "daily grind". I laugh it off by semi-joking that Adam made work hard and Cain made work fruitless... Selfishly, I blame them. I blame them bringing forth God's judgement on us so now we have to toil...

"By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread, till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; for you are dust, and to dust you shall return." Gen 3:19, ESV

"When you work the ground, it shall no longer yield to you its strength. You shall be a fugitive and a wanderer on the earth." Gen 4:12, ESV

I guess society teaches us that if you are not happy, do something about it. If you don't like your job, move on. Complain about it. Make a change. Take a stand. But lately, more and more, I am feeling that to do comply with this self-love attitude might be a pride and self-centeredness thing to do. Sure we shouldn't be a door mat and have people step all over us, but I have since learnt that no one promised that work will be easy. In fact, quite the opposite. If I look hard enough, 90% of the feelings stem from fear and selfish pride. Through my stresses and turmoil these few weeks, I am beginning to get how Christian freedom, the undercurrent of joy and ultimate peace from God hangs together. Its strange how God works through my stress!...

Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. - Col 3:22-14, ESV

For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. - Phil 1:21, ESV

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. - Eph 2:10

The above 3 verses among other many verses added together drives my attitude at work (and life) now. In action, thought and prayer... Especially when it gets tough and stressful like today...

1. Am I stressed, angry or worried at work due to my pride? 
2. Am I "obeying in everything those who are my earthly masters"?
3. Do I honour God when I act or speak up against or in defence of myself or the situation? ("To live IS Christ", "with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord")
4. Remind myself. My boss is Christ (serving the Lord Christ) and not my earthly masters.
5. I am secured in Heaven. Life is temporal (to die is gain).
6. God is sovereign. He prepared good works for me that I can walk in them. He is ultimately in control and when bad things happen, there is a reason that is beyond my current understanding.

This is what freedom means: to enjoy the peace in Christ and to busk in the joy found in a future more important that whats before me right now. Despite the waves of emotion and daily toil, the undercurrents of peace and joy still flows. That is what I ultimately meditate on and cling onto at the end of a hard days work.

I am worse than a keyboard warrior

I am worse than a keyboard warrior, a photo by Mervin Chiang on Flickr.

These few weeks I've been admonish gently and in a very real way by people around me and more importantly by God about something that I thought I'd never fall into. In recent times, I've always guarded myself in avoiding being the "keyboard warrior". If you don't know what it means, it is when you sit behind a keyboard and write Facebook comments or blogs, or anything online about a topic. Taking pot shots at the topic on one side of the fence. Usually nasty, condescending, provocative or sometimes just distastefully immature words come out and it doesn't help the debate or add any value to the discussion or topic. Keyboard warriors are usually not constructive, and even if they are, they will not make even a dent in the cause they are fighting for sitting behind the keyboard.

Hopefully, you get what I mean by now. I was like that. In fact, I was worse. I used to be hot tempered even in real life. I still remember the times when I would fight openly in a train station in Singapore with my then ex-girlfriend publicly when I was a teen. I would fight with my parents all the time. I would rebel against any authority effecting me. I guess its God or simply age. I've mellowed down a few notches. It slowed down to being a keyboard warrior, and gradually even that stopped. I told myself, God demanded us to be meek. It takes more energy to be meek than to be hot headed. Believe me!

"Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom." James 3:13 ESV

Up until this week, I thought I was doing pretty good in this department. I catch myself before I "shoot" at things. Make sure that if I'm not edifying anyone or God, that I keep my gaping hole shut. I guess self righteousness, pride, sinfulness of my own flesh is never far from satan's pulling strings. These feelings surfaced in other areas. Areas closer to home. Areas more subtle. It is here that it hurts the most. Where the sin becomes more insidious.

Let me explain. Unbeknownst to me, subconsciously or addictively, I started on a my-bible-knowledge-and-my-church-and-pastors-teachings-are-better-than-you-or-your-knowledge-and-whoever-you-respect quest. It's funny, sad and a little embarrassing really. Imagine a kungfu movie when this young guy chanced upon a really powerful book that teaches awesome kickbutt kungfu moves that would save the world. Sounds cool right. But to make a 2 hour movie, this guy has to stupidly learn some moves, and before he can finish the book, go out to the world, bash some people thinking its the right thing to do and cause more chaos, confusion and calamity than he did good.

At this point, I'd like to apologise to people whom I've done this to. In the next few weeks, I'll be repenting and talking to you about my failings in confusing or stumbling you.

To finish up, I'd like to say to my future self and also anyone who is a keyboard warrior or worse: please do not fall into this trap. Good and sound reformed theology is, in and of itself, not enough to "take on the world". It takes wisdom, discernment, true meekness, respect and a whole lot more fruits of the Spirit, including, most of all, God's power and will to get it right. Otherwise, you'll be causing more harm than good to people around you. Especially your loved ones.

"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Col 3:12-17 ESV

Our 10 year anniversary

happy 10th anniversary, a photo by Mervin Chiang on Flickr.

We just came back from an awesome 10 year anniversary celebration. Yes! I executed a covert 10 year anniversary party with a few of our closest friends without Kat knowing until I walked her into the party. And I organised this secret surprise event all on whatsapp. Technology really helped this time!

"Why did we celebrate our 10 year anniversary with a bunch of friends???" you might ask. I figured, we often go on dates and celebrated our past 9 year anniversaries alone, romantically and together. This milestone, I decided, we should celebrate it with key people that influenced us and really helped us as a couple grow in maturity. They helped shaped us into who we are and how we related with each other and with God. I am sure I would have forgotten to invite some of you that did that too, it's real hard to keep the group small.



"This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church." - Eph 5:32 (ESV)

Anyway, the video is a collage of photos through our life together. The bible tells us that marriage between a husband and a wife is to reflect and mimic the relationship between Christ and the Church. We may never be perfect, but we must strive towards that image set before us. Kat and I are thankful for the Church family that help us towards this goal. And never stop to encourage us, rebuke us when required, laugh with us and love us as we are. Our continued prayer is for you as our Church family to keep doing this...

"We ask you, brothers, to respect those who labor among you and are over you in the Lord and admonish you, and to esteem them very highly in love because of their work. Be at peace among yourselves." 1 Thess 5:12-13 (ESV)